Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Application for Governor Punjab -A specimen

Assalam o Alaikum

 Respected,

 Mian Nawaz Sharif,Mian Shahbaz Sharif,Mian hamza Shehbaz Sharif

I hope this letter finds you in the best of your professional health.
Mr.Prime minister you know I am a hardworking political player.I have always admired your personality  and your governance style.Through a T.V ticker I came to know that Governor Punjab Ch.Sarwar has resigned .Mr.Prime minister ,I just want to say that the gibberish he uttered amid-st leaving the office is baseless.Being a citizen of Pakistan,I can safely say that under your premiership we have progressed by leaps and bounds.Education standard already skyrocketing.There’s a noticeable reduction in load shedding.Cessation in corruption.
What Ch.Sarwar said regarding poor governance is lousy and absolute nonsense.He was an inconsiderate imbecile guy.He was from british labour part that’s why he was simply unaware of local politics.Mr.Prime minister I would love to show my allegiance with PMLN .Being a thorough professional I would like to offer my services for governorship.
I must say in advance that I will be benign to your monarchy.I know Pakistan is facing humongous problems and you are the one who can solve the issues faced,so I will not block your way.Moreover chief minister Punjab Mian Shahbaz Sharif is my ideal.I always keep his passport size photograph in my wallet
Dear Majesty,
I would like to say that being a governor I will definitely nag at opposition particularly the self proclaimed change agent Pakistan Tehreek e Insaf.I feel severe pain when I see information minister sitting alone bashing Imran Khan.I will share his responsibility so he can better handle the ministry.I will never ever become a guarantor regarding long march in future if Dr.Tahir ul Qadri returns back the next season.I will not ask for electoral reforms and investigation.I have a deep rooted experience regarding local politics and you know after all politics is local.
Moreover I have a well established business outside Pakistan so how can I criticize yours.I am not a lawyer and so will not go into legalities regarding official matters.Being a governor I will only attend meetings and will call on delegations.Regarding official summaries to be signed by me,I am pledging myself in advance.I have already ordered two stamps with my signatures engraved .You need not worry about my approval.You can do it yourself with those stamps and Lastly I am a foodie I promise when you will come to governor house,you will be served with Nehari in breakfast and hareesa in lunch and for Chief Minister Punjab,I assure the food will be hot and cold respectively and most respectfully.

Kindly pay my greetings to all the sharif family and specially to those who matter

Profound Regards
An aspirant


Saturday, 7 February 2015

Media loosing charm or Elite Getting Calm

Media,most often claimed as the fourth pillar of the state and to many Sunday pundits,the only effective pillar in recent times is becoming ineffective with time.
It has been a tragic outcome of a number of events lined up that forced me to say that media isn’t that vibrant now.

Let us connect some events in a chain to prove the point.
We have all been informed by black box through black camera that over 300 children died in THAR owing to hunger.Sadly Hunger is the only thing they “own”.But to what extent do you all believe that media hammering compelled the bureau-political elite to cater the issue.Sadly they all successfully failed to give us even a “convincing excuse” to this catastrophe.To my knowledge(which is infact dim)not a single political figure sacked in that shame timeline.The chief minister visited the place and was served with scrumptious food.The same food for which angels cried and inturn died.
Let’s manify what’s happening at federal and Punjab Level.Last month a severe oil crises,worst in the history hit Pakistan.Masses stuck at petrol stations just to have a liter or so.Media giants with all their guns basically camera lens kept on focusing the issue.Helicams showed as how the people including the women were in relentless queues for fuel.After that it is no big news that not a single political personality lost his office for that sheer negligence and failure.PM Nawaz with all his hullabaloo regarding heavy mendate was so benign to his ministers.Not a glimpse of his power being displayed.He completed his anger spell by dismissing four officers,a rhetoric way of showing something to people.
And now move towards Punjab with Khadim e Ala as its head.By the way,if you award me with that protocoal and perks I am ready to claim myself as humble as one can be.The self proclaimed Khadim e Ala was served with food in meetings and after observing  that hot isn’t hot and cold isn’t cold though,he ordered the purchase of a special container for keeping food quality elite.Please don’t bother to mention the price of container as low as 3.3 million.CM Punjab brags about his humbleness and pro people attitude.This news in print media was too no table to create an impact.
Now move on to KPK.The change agent party with all their tall claims regarding local body elections before 2013 has failed to give a local body system after almost 2 years.The people from the party will definitely yell at me saying we were compelled by this and that but to my knowledge PMLN claimed something same regarding loadshedding.They failed to mitigate the situation.Should we also give them some leverage? Surely NOT.
I am not that confused regarding what has gone wrong .If I can compare media’s effectiveness with political elite invulnerability,I can safely gauge that the  political elite has simply become non vulnerable to some obsolete species called “Moral Values”.Media thrashing is now an SOP for them after they commit some mistake.

Lastly I am saddened by all this.I knew media can shape narrative and can eradicate the basic evils in society but the rising negligence and stubbornness of top guns of political fraternity is making print and Electronic media ineffective though media is and will continuously strive to meet the never ending expectations and needs of people.